god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
