then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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