I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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