are you still at the devil's house?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I believe in your delicious
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
