I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
