so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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