i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
