Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
