I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
