1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
