Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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