i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize