Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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