Moan for me like Helen Keller
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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