i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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