I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dignity is for republicans.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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