How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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