I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
