i think my tv is drunk
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
