Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
