I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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