I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's just like the Real World with babies
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
