In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
