I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
