i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Randomize
