Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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