Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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