when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
pop tarts are not kleenex
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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