Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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