Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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