there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
