I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
