Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
