I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
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Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
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They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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