Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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