so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
