So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
