my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
