you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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