Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
