How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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