Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
