Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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