I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
