the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
