I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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