There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
