I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
