How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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