i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
