I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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