when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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