Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
