Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
