Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
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We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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