I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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