Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
