There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
