just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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