Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
