Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
