i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
