can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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