bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
