I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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