Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
