oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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