I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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