Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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