If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
