his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
