i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
