Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
