Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
