they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
