last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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