Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
