He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
