I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
